


A Lesson in Losing

by Niko_Ranelle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Camp Nanowrimo, Gen, Horseback Riding, Horses, Inspired by Real Events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 22:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4582656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niko_Ranelle/pseuds/Niko_Ranelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In memory of Hudson, the real horse who help came too late to save. I am so, so sorry....</p><p>Katie has been bounced around from bad barn to bad barn for as long as she can remember, learning all too well about the fragility of life and seeing all kinds of abuse to both animals and people. It isn't until she meets Keith and Helen, the owners of a riding stable and horse rescue, that she starts to believe that good horse people do still exist. However, when a horse from her not so distant past is abandoned in the front yard, it is a grim reminder that people are capable of terrible cruelty. Even the ones you would never expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my 2015 Camp NaNoWriMo project. It's not completely finished, but still functions as a whole. I'm giving it a little time before going in and editing/finishing, and decided to post it in the mean time.

“So let's start we you, Katie. Why are you unhappy?”

“The standard of horse care that is being allowed here is unacceptable by my standards. It should be by yours. I'm finding horses without water, without the right amount of grain, standing in piss filled stalls, turned out in the wrong pastures. That's all-”

“The horse care is not your concern. Your job is to keep things running smoothly, not to train or discipline Paige. That's our job.”

“And you're not even doing that! That's how things got to this point! This isn't-”

“I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's still not your concern. I don't care that you came here already working with horses for ten years. On this farm, you two are equals to us, and you don't have any right to act like you know more than she does. It doesn't make you any more experienced.”

“Actually, that's literally the definition of being more experienced.”

“Katie, if you have a problem with how this barn is run then you can leave any time. Our horses will be just fine without you."


	2. Chapter 2

I was always nervous the first time going to a new barn. Scared of what I might find, mostly. The past ten years had been anything but easy in terms of horses. Some places treated me great, but not as well with the horses. Some were great for the horses but not for me. Some were a mix a both, terrible on all fronts. I'd gotten to be a pretty good judge of character from it, but the first step was always hard.

Keith and Helen though, for the first time I had a genuinely good feeling about them, about everything. Keith had been the one to originally contact me about volunteering at his rescue, and I'd later spoken to his wife Helen on the phone to get directions to the farm. I liked both of them immediately. There were no nagging feelings of doubt or almost premonitions that something bad was lurking around the corner. Just… hope.

That was exactly the word I was looking for, hope. Horses were my entire life. The last 10 years had been spent doing nothing but riding and learning. In fact it was to the point where I was almost certain that there was nothing else I'd want to do with my life. Horses were easy. I understood them almost better than I knew myself. But horse people? They're almost impossible.

“No turning back now,” I muttered to myself, finally seeing the farms sign just up the road. Circle R Ranch, aka Olsen Rescue. Even the name felt right somehow.

The view wasn't quite as grand as the last place I'd worked at, but I still liked what I saw. Nothing fancy, just a small two story house and a detached garage within view of the road, although I could get a glimpse of a barn and a corral a little farther as I got closer. It was nice to not be on a major highway and to have the horses away from the road, unlike my last couple barns. I couldn't count the number of times I'd had to go chase down lose horses with a death wish, or having horses spook because of idiot passersbys. There was nothing worst than watching a beginner rider get thrown from a horse because a semi driver decided to honk their horn. Having a horse fall on you for the same reason was a close second. A man that I assumed was Keith was out on the front porch. He waved when he saw me slowing down and jumped up to meet me at my car once I'd parked.

“You must be Katie,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand. “It's nice to finally meet you in person.”

“Likewise.” I returned the gesture wholeheartedly. Right of the bat I liked him. He was younger than I'd expected, early thirties at most, but there was a quiet confidence about him. Someone who knew a lot about a lot of things, but felt no sense of superiority from it. That was a rare find among horse people, especially younger ones. “Keith Olsen, I assume.”

He smiled and nodded. “The one and only. Now, I should probably show you around before the vet gets here. I don't think there will be too much time after that.”

“Even if there is we'll probably spend it with Jasper anyway.” I looked up at the second voice in time to see a woman step out of the house, closely followed by a large black german shepherd mix. “Hey Katie! I'm Helen, and this here is Berren.” 

“Nice to meet you. And you, hello!” Berren had bounded over to me and held out a paw as if he was introducing himself as well. I happily shook it for a moment, reaching out to scratch behind his ears. “Aren't you a sweetheart.”

“He's our alarm dog. Doesn't bark when people are in the yard worth a damn but he can judge someone from a mile away,” Keith said. “I'm not one to listen to dogs over myself but I'll admit he hasn't been wrong yet.”

Berren and I had something in common then. “Hopefully I pass?”

“With flying colors. Just give me a second to put him back inside and then we'll show you around.”

Keith and Helen lead me down a wide sidewalk that lead in between the house and the garage, all the way down to a nice little barn, plus a round pen the left, arena to the right, and a large area of lawn in between. Even farther past the barn were the pastures, and I could see a couple of the horses out there, although too far away to recognize from the pictures that Helen had sent me.

“Jasper's over there in the round pen waiting for Dr. Courtney,” Keith said, pointing at the black and white paint. “After today he'll be an entirely different horse.”  
“I can't believe his original owner just let him suffer for two years like that. I mean… ignorance doesn't even cover it.” Helen was disgusted, as we all were. She'd told me Jasper's story last night over the phone. Letting a wound initially go untreated, especially between his back legs, I could understand that a little. But letting it get infected to the point of making it difficult to simply live? Trying to treat it with a bug spray that was essentially acid? Refusing to let someone else take care of the horse? That wasn't ignorance anymore. That was just cruel.

“I don't even consider ignorance to be an excuse anymore,” I said. “If you don't know, then you don't know, but that doesn't mean just keep doing it.” Like with my last job. “Not to mention there's a difference between not knowing how to saddle properly and not knowing that you need a vet.”  
Keith nodded his approval. “Huge difference, I agree. Now, lets start with the barn and tack room.”

It wasn't too much different than other barns I'd seen. There were six stalls total, four on the right and two on the left. Directly to the left of the door was a stairway leading up to the loft, and behind that was an enclosed tack room. At that moment the barn was empty, the stalls stripped down to the floor mats and all buckets had been stored in the first stall on the right, along with the wheelbarrow and various pitchforks. Each stall had a window, which made the whole barn very bright even with the lights off, and white paint on the walls made it feel even brighter. 

“Typically we won't use the barn unless we have to, so for most of the summer it just sits clean like this. No sense in keeping horses inside when there's perfectly good pasture.” Keith pointed up the stairs before open the door to the tack room. “Hay is stored up there, along with winter blankets, and tack and feed's in here.”

There was nothing special about the tack room either. Just the orderly chaos where everything had it's place without being overly neat. Racks with western saddles and bridles lined one wall, saddle blankets on another. The rest of the space was devoted to grooming and medical supplies, along with halters and lead ropes. Tucked in the area under the stairs were three garbage cans labeled according to the feed they contained, and a small stack of unopened feed bags. All in all, it was a typical tack room.

“Believe it or not, that's clean right now,” Helen said with a laugh. “There's no point in keeping it super neat. We use it too much.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Keith then lead the way out the back door of the barn and out to the pastures, where two of the fattest horses I'd ever seen were currently trying to eat as much grass from the opposite side of the fence as possible.

“Chip's the bay, Chester is the paint. I promise they came that way, we did not make them that fat,” Keith said with a laugh. “I've never seen such easy keepers, they can get fat off air.”

Helen gave a sharp whistle and the two horses trotted up to the fence, immediately searching us for treats. It was almost unbelievable how fat they were. I reached out and ran my hand down Chip's shoulder, trying to feel the bones beneath all of that fat. I almost couldn't.

“I can put weight on a skinny horse no problem, but getting on to slim down is almost beyond me. Not to mention I don't have a saddle that's wide enough to fit either of them, so riding is limited to anyone who's willing to jump on bareback. Luckily they're both broke and they stay that way, but they're still almost too wide to ride.” Keith shook his head and pushed Chester's head away from his pockets. “For me at least.”

“I'll ride them,” I said, thinking about Judy, a mare at my first barn who'd been both super wide and had an injury that made it impossible to put a saddle on her. She wasn't the easiest ride but certainly was the comfiest horse I'd ever sat on. I also thought of Bronson, the horse who'd come in for training at the barn I'd last worked at. He'd been about 200 pounds overweight when I arrived, and then three months later when I quit he was the picture of health, well muscled and athletic. “I know a woman who seems to specialize in making horses lose weight, over at In Your Dreams Farm.” I also thought about the rest of the horses there, with their prominent backbones and defined hips and ribs. “A little bit too well, actually. Apparently they'd had to switch feed this summer and the horses didn't do well on it, plus they had a kids camp so they lost muscle as well, but I'm not sure if I buy that.”

“Is that the barn you were at a couple months ago?” Helen asked.

“Yeah, I was there for three months. Didn't like what I saw, but I wasn't really there long enough to know for sure. Considering what else happened though… I don't like it, that's for sure.”

“It does sound suspicious. Have you been back since you left?”

I shook my head. “Didn't exactly leave on good terms. I either quit or she fired me, depends who you ask.” Suddenly feeling very self conscious, I added, “I quit because she told me that it wasn't my problem if I thought the horses weren't being cared for well enough.”

“Sounds even more suspicious. I might just have to drive up there and visit the place myself someday.” Keith said with a humorless grin. “Horse care should always be a priority, and if anyone's complaining about it then something should be done to fix it.”

I'd only been there for ten minutes, but I already liked Keith and Helen a lot.

~.~

The rest of the tour was uneventful. Keith showed me the back pasture where his and Helen's personal horses were currently being kept, along with a couple rescues that were ready for adoption. At the moment Jasper, Chip, and Chester were the only rescues, although Keith was already looking to take on a couple more.

“We like to focus more on quality, not quantity,” he said as we walked back toward the house. “Technically we could rescue six horses at a time, but that wouldn't allow us to give them the attention that they'd all need, especially with cases like Jasper where they need medical care three times a day or more. I'm here most days but I'm busy with lessons, and Helen's either at the vet clinic or on call, so we don't exactly have the time for six horses.”

“That's better than getting in over your heads though,” I said. “Better to only take in 24 horses a year but be able to run for ten years or more, instead of 12 at once and then wind up bankrupt in three months.”

“That's exactly-” He broke off as Helen's phone started ringing.

“Must be Court. You two go and catch Jasper, I'll go get some things ready for during the surgery,” Helen said, answering her phone and jogging off toward the house without waiting for an answer. Keith pointed in the direction of the round pen. “You can try and catch him first, he doesn't exactly like me. There's a long leadrope on the fence. I'll go grab a little grain in case he decides to put up a fight.”

“Alright.” 

Jasper eyed me nervously as I approached, swinging around so that I could only see him head on. Every time I took a step closer he'd move again, trying to keep as much distance between me and the wound between his legs as possible without actually running away. It was very clear that not only was this horse in pain, he was also smart as hell. He knew that some people made him hurt more than he already did, and he wasn't going to allow anyone else to do the same thing.

“It's alright boy, I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise.” I said softly, picking up the rope Keith had mentioned and slipping though the gate as smoothly as possible. Jasper didn't take his eyes off me for a single second, standing stock still and getting more tense with every step I took. However he didn't bolt off, even when I reached up to grab his halter. He just gave an agitated snort and followed along behind me as I lead him out. Keith was already out on the back patio and motioned toward the empty chair beside him.

“Probably should have warned you that he's dangerous and doesn't know how to lead,” Keith said with a grin. I looked back a Jasper again, how he was following on a loose line, and much more relaxed now that I wasn't facing him completely. At that moment he looked like the complete definition of not dangerous.

“At least, that's what the owner told us when we picked him up. He's dangerous, he doesn't lead, doesn't tie, kicks for no reason, impossible to catch.” He shook his head in disgust as I sat in the chair next to him. “Only problem this horse had was that idiot of an owner.”

“Can you blame him though?” I said, letting the rope slip though my hands until Jasper was far enough away to feel comfortable grazing. “I mean he's smart. Too smart for her, that's for sure.”

“She's lucky he's a smart as he is. Some horses aren't as forgiving. Or as tolerant.”

The ability for a horse to forgive, and also to remember, would always amaze me. I'd worked with some who'd had nothing but good experiences with all but a few specific people. With most people they were willing to please and desperate for attention, but if anyone who'd hurt them in the past tried working with them…. It was like working with two different horses. Years could pass between the two incidences and they'd still remember like it happened yesterday. The same was true for good experiences. A horse wouldn't easily forget someone who'd once treated them with nothing but kindness.

“At least now he finally won't be in pain anymore.”

Jasper suddenly spooked as Helen opened the back door, jumping backwards and nearly tearing the rope out of my hands. Out of reflex I got to my feet and started gathering up the slack, stepping closer to keep the tension off. After a few seconds he calmed back down, realizing that it was just Helen and not someone coming to spray him with acid. He froze for a moment, and then stepped closer to me, leaning in to press his head up against my shoulder.

“What was that about?” Helen said with a laugh. “Sorry I scared you, Jasper, I was just bringing out some soda.” She set a whole case of Sprite down on the porch, along with some towels. “Help yourself, Katie. And I think I hear Courtney pulling up, so-”

“You think you hear me?” I turned around to see the vet walking around the corner of the house, followed by a tech who was carrying a monitor and various other things needed for surgery. To my surprise, it was the same vet that Tracey had called when one of her horses had cut it's leg open and needed stitches. She seemed to recognize me as well.

“Didn't you used to work for Keely, up at In Your Dreams?” she said. I nodded.

“I quit a few months back. Partially to start vet school, but mostly-.”

“Let me guess, mostly because of how Keely treats her horses.”

“Wait a minute, isn't that barn an hour and a half away from the office? Why would you be making calls way out there?” Helen asked.

“Tracey's a friend, and I'd just happened to be in the area on my day off. I owed her for working with one of my horses while back.”

“Small world,” I said quietly. I was more surprised that she remembered me than anything. It had only been one day that I'd met her, several months ago. However, it had also been the day when I'd been yelling at Paige for lying about cleaning a horse's stall. Perhaps I'd been more memorable that I thought.

~.~

The surgery went very smoothly. Dr. Courtney was able to remove Jasper's mass and suture the area back up in record time, according to Helen. She ended up with a grapefruit sized mass, which she held up to show Keith.

“Imagine having that between your legs.”

“I don't even want to.” Keith rubbed his hand down Jasper's neck. “Can I let his leg down down?”

“Yeah, we're done down there.”

Keith slowly untied the rope that was tied from Jasper's halter to his leg and back again, keeping the leg straight up against his body. Keith had held that rope the entire surgery, even when I'd offered to switch so he could give his hand a rest. Helen had joked that it was because he didn't want to see the operation, and I completely believed her.

“I'll send it to the lab to have it tested. Best case scenario, it's just proud flesh from years of being left untreated. It's possible that it's only a benign tumor.”

“And it could be malignant,” Keith said. 

“Yes, and if that's the case, we'll have to wait and see what happens. But until then, it's just a mass.”

~.~

“Honestly, this is one of the worst types of abuse to me,” I said, absentmindedly running my hand down Jasper's neck. “Intentional abuse is clearly the worst but when help is offered but not accepted or good advice is ignored it's… terrible to watch. Because in cases like that- like this, there's nothing you can do.”

“You can try,” Keith said, crouching to take the towel off of Jasper's eyes and check if he was still out. “It took us almost 2 years to get him, but we did it.”

“He had two years though. He always had a fighting chance. But sometimes things can go so quickly- in either way. A horse can get sick with something like strangles or colic or choke, hell even worms, and if treated properly it's rarely fatal, but if it's just left or treated wrong then an otherwise healthy horse can be dead in a matter of weeks.” I shook my head, suddenly fighting back tears. “I know it's not possible to save every horse, and I have nothing against putting down an animal that can't be saved but… it's when people just stand back and don't even care that I don't understand.”

“I know what you mean. I do. Luckily it's not often that things like that happen.”

“But it does happen. I've seen it before.”

At In Your Dreams?”

I nodded. “On one of my days off the tanks ran out of water. Our oldest horse got dehydrated and colicked. Luckily I caught it. I felt terrible, but what as I supposed to do? They told me to take the day off, actually leave for once and let them take care of everything for a day, so I did. It wasn't my fault.” Suddenly I could hear Cash's little nicker as if he was still alive and standing right in front of me, ready to come cantering in for his breakfast. “He was old but very healthy. And then two weeks later I had the day off again, and Paige was working. I'd already told Keely that she didn't know what she was doing, but Keely didn't care then and she still doesn't care now. It was hot, Paige didn't check the tanks once between me filling them Saturday night and Monday morning. On Monday every tank was completely dry, and Cash was dead. They didn't care to do an autopsy and just told everyone he died in his sleep, but that was a lie. The ground was tore up around him and he was covered in mud from rolling. He'd colicked again.”

“And Paige wasn't fired for that?” Keith sounded completely shocked, as he should be. As everyone else but Keely was when the found out about Cash. “I wouldn't even care if every horse was healthy, letting tanks run out is unacceptable. Water is always the first priority.” 

“Each pasture had three 150 gallon tanks. She still works there last I heard.”

~.~

I was about halfway home when I got a phone call. Slightly annoyed, I took my time rolling the windows up and turning the music down before answering. It was Olivia, one of the girls from In Your Dreams.

“Katie! Guess who I've been riding since you left!” She said excitedly.

“Stitch?” Stitch had been her favorite horse then entire time I was there. They worked well together but I partially hoped he wasn't the answer. He was fun but also a very easy ride, and Olivia was more than ready to move up to a more difficult horse.

“No, guess again. Actually no, don't. I've been riding Bronson!”

“You're kidding?” When I'd left Keely still wasn't letting anyone other than myself or Tracy ride him, since he was still in training. “How is he?”

“He's amazing! Ill send you some pictures in a sec, but man. You weren't kidding when you said how great he is. I see why you liked him so much.”

“Like is an understatement,” I said with a laugh. “That horse is like my soulmate.”

“He was always so good for you. Even Tracy said that. But I think we work together pretty good too, you know? Keely has me starting him over jumps and everything and he loves it!”

“That's awesome! I'm so glad you're working with him- he needs someone to love him since I can't.”

That didn't seem to be the right thing to say, and I could almost hear Olivia's good mood disappearing.

“He misses you. A lot.”

“I miss him too.”

“Can't you come to visit? I mean you're only two hours away, it's not that far when you think about it.”

“I wish I could. But I didn't exactly leave on good terms, you know that.” Also an understatement. I'd told Keely that she needed to find some way to take care of the horses without me there to keep an eye on things, and then three hours later I'd been completely packed and ready to leave. 

“Yeah, I do. Paige was talking about it. Said she was pretty pissed that you thought she couldn't handle things on her own.” Olivia gave a bitter laugh. “Then the next day I found Stitch eating dry grain and Winston's water buckets were empty. It's been a nightmare. But I don't blame you for leaving.”

Guilt flooded though me. I'd made a promise to stay longer than Paige did, and I couldn't keep it. This was exactly the kind of situation I'd been trying to prevent. “Has Keely found a replacement yet?”

“Yeah, but she sucks just as much as Paige. So far the horses look alright but I wouldn't really know that to look for if they weren't. At the least I'm making sure Bronson is doing good.”

“I certainly appreciate that. Tell you what, if you see anything bad that Keely just doesn't care about, give me a call and I'll come out. I'm not sure how much I could do but I'll try to do something.”

“I'll keep that in mind, but things are okay right now. I'll take good care of Bronson for you.”

“I know you will. And I want to hear all about the two of you and his progress. Everything that happens.”

“Absolutely! Alright, I gotta go now, but I'll send you the pictures. Talk to you later!”

“Bye, Liv.”

The phone call left me distracted and with a strange feeling of dread, to the point where I was so preoccupied by it that I missed the my turn to go home three different times and I didn't realize I'd gone almost a half hour in silence until I was pulling into my driveway. I felt incredibly guilty for leaving despite the promise I'd made, to Olivia and Lauren and everyone else who'd seen the things Paige had continuously done wrong. They'd been devastated to find out that I'd quit without even saying goodbye. Even worse, they started to worry about the horses safety. Most of them were only 13, they shouldn't have to worry about showing up to the barn to find that their favorite horse hadn't been taken care of properly. In fact that fear shouldn't even cross their minds.

However there was nothing I could do about it, not anymore. I'd gave that up when I left. The only way I could do anything helpful would be if the conditions at the barn got to the point where horses were dying from a lack of care. If I was lucky, that would never be necessary.

Before I got out of the car I looked at the pictures that Olivia had sent. They must have had a little photo shoot out behind the barn. Bronson's beautiful bay coat had been groomed until it was so shiny he almost seemed to be made of plastic. He finally had his own bridle, and someone had even gotten a heart shaped name tag for it, instead of the typical plastic one. Olivia, probably. His once long mane was now pulled ridiculously short, which I wasn't entirely fond of, but other than that he looked amazing. For the majority of the photos Liv was on him bareback, either leaned forward to try and get Bronson's ears forward for the picture or with her arms wrapped around his neck, smiling the entire time. I'd never seen her so happy, not even with Stitch. They'd do each other good.

I just hoped that good would be all they'd ever have.

~.~

“Katie, want to come on a rescue mission tomorrow?” Keith said, not even waiting for me to say hello. “I'm picking up a mare and foal about two hours north of here.”

“Yeah, of course. When are you leaving?”

“5am. You're welcome to come out tonight so you don't have to get up at two just to get here. There's an empty bedroom upstairs.”

I glanced at the wall clock for a second. It was already 10pm. It wouldn't leave me much time to sleep, since I'd have to get a few things ready before I could even leave, and the drive itself, but I'd left later for less countless times before. “I'll be there in about an hour.”

“I'll leave the door open for you.”

I ended up getting there faster than I'd expected, only taking 40 minutes total. Keith was outside, carrying a couple bags of shavings into the horse trailer.

“Hey! Take your stuff inside, and then grab the hose and spray this down a little. You can let Berren out if he's there.”

The dog must have gone to bed already, so I just dropped my bag inside the door and then jogged back to get the hose. Keith had just finished spreading out the bedding. He'd taken out the dividers, turning the trailer into a single large stall, instead of three separate ones. It would allow the foal to nurse during the trip, and would help keep them from feeling trapped in the trailer.

“Spray the whole area down for about 30 seconds or so, just enough keep the dust down,” Keith said, standing at the ramp with a pitchfork. “Might have to hit it again in the morning, but it'll help.”

“So, Keith,” I said as I was watering the trailer, “Did you just find out about this rescue or something? Or did you just decide to call me at ten for the fun of it?

“Little of both,” he said with a laugh. “It was supposed to be on Sunday, but the woman who called about it had her own emergency, so we're picking them up a day earlier. I would have called you tonight anyway.” He paused as I turned off the hose and started coiling it back up. “What, did you think I wanted you driving here this late?”

“Wouldn't put it past you. Need anything else done?”

“Just hooking the trailer up. The yard light is bright enough, if you can line me up.”

“That I can do. Just don't ask me to drive it.”

“I'll teach you sometime, it's not too hard.” Finished mixing up the dry and wet shavings, he passed me the pitchfork. “I'll grab the truck keys if you'll put that away for me.”  
I put the fork away and then stood near the trailer hitch, positioning myself so that I could see Keith in the trucks side view mirror, and he could see me. It only took a minute to get everything lined up. By the time Keith came back by me, probably to make sure I had it on correctly, I have everything in place.

“Looks good to me,” he said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “And now we only have five hours to sleep, so you might get to learn how to drive the trailer sooner than you think.”

“Very funny.”

~.~

The next morning went very smoothly, thanks to the preparation we did the night before. All we had to do was wake up and get in the truck- Berren included -and we were on the road long before the sun rose. We stopped for to-go breakfast once we got to town and then hit the freeway. It felt strange to be going north again. The last time, I'd been hopeful beyond belief, imagining a future that no longer existed. I'd had absolutely no idea about what was about to happen. 

“What town are we going to anyway?” I asked after staring out the window for awhile. 

“Alphaville.”

“You're kidding? That's where In Your Dreams is.”

“Want to drive past?”

I stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if he was serious or not. He looked completely serious. Then I thought about it for a moment. “I guess it's right off the main road, on a county highway that loops back to the road. It'd depend on where the rescue is. If it's on the south side of town then IYD would be out of our way.”

“Nope, north side. We're ahead of schedule, and I want to see the place for myself.”

“Alright, fine. I'll tell where to turn when we get there. But now, about this mare?”

“Extremely underweight, found in a field in the middle of nowhere. Not sure how old the mare is, and the foal is around four months.

“So probably not handled much, if at all.”

“The mare is curious and has a halter on, but probably not much else. It'll be fun loading them.”

“I take it that's what I'm here for.”

Keith winked at me. “Someone has to get ran over when a horse dives out of the way instead of just going into the trailer. And I'm not going to do it. I mean, someone has to drive home, too.” 

“That makes me feel so much better.

~.~

It was nice to finally have them out of the trailer and into the barn. The filly immediately stepped forward to nurse, and the mare buried her head into a flake of hay. Up close, and not trying to run away or standing in a dark trailer, they looked much worse. The mare was nearly skin and bones, and the filly didn't look that great either. Luckily she hadn't really been alive long enough for any real damage. In fact, with proper care and a little time she'd be a stunning little foal. The mare would be just as pretty once we got weight on her, along with a little training. 

~.~

When I woke up at four A.M., I assumed something was wrong. Maybe a horse out, or some sort of call to go pick up a rescue. Even a sudden thunderstorm would be enough. But after sitting awake for a little while and hearing nothing, not a horse calling out or Keith knocking on my door, not even the phone ringing or a single rumble of thunder, I hauled myself out of bed to go investigate. Something must have woken me up two hours before my alarm.

After putting on my clothes for the day I tiptoed out into the hallway, hoping to avoid waking Keith if I didn't have to. He wasn't a morning person by any stretch of the word.

It was much too quiet for a horse to be out, especially since Helen's gelding would scream endlessly until who ever was out was caught and returned, but I still paused at the window at the top of the steps and looked out anyway. The dim morning light was just enough to see the horses out in the pastures. All 12 were present and accounted for. Nothing wrong there.

I continued my sweep downstairs, hoping to find something that would have made a noise. Maybe Berren knocking over a lamp with his tail again. A vague sick feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that it was something worse, but I tried to ignore it. 

The dog in question met me at the bottom of the stairs, always happy to see me no matter the time of day.

"Did you hear something weird, buddy?" I asked him, reaching out to scratch behind his ears. I didn't expect an answer and didn't get one either, but it would have been nice if he could have said something. Anything other than the eerie quiet of the house. The less I heard the more I was convinced that something was wrong.

Nothing was awry downstairs. Everything was as we'd left the day before, including the lamps that were just at tail height. Not a single thing out of place.

Maybe I really had just happened to wake up early.

"Well, If I'm up, may as well make the most of it," I muttered to myself, picking up my sweatshirt from where I'd left it on the couch the night before. There was no harm in starting barn chores a couple hours early. Even better, it would allow me to avoid having to do things later in the blazing sun. 

Out of habit I whistled for the dog even though he was already at my side, and then crouched down next to him, taking the paw he offered me to shake and ruffling the fur around his neck. Between the heat and working with Jasper I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with Berren as I'd like, but he was always welcome to come do morning and night check with me. I gave him one last pat and then got to my feet. "C'mon Ber, let's go outside." The dog gave his typical little 'boof' of an answer and trotted to the front door. I followed him and was about to open the door when I looked out into the yard. What I saw made me sick to my stomach. 

There was a horse outside.

Wearing a poorly fitted rope halter with what looked like a sandwich bag duct taped to it, he was tied to a pair of cinder blocks with a heavy chain. That wasn't even the most shocking part. He was covered in mud and dirt, but even then I could see that he was little more than a walking skeleton. His spine, shoulders, ribs, and hips were clearly visible, and any area that was supposed to have muscle mass was sunken in. It was a miracle he was still standing.

"Keith! Keith wake up, there's a horse!" I screamed before grabbing a leadrope from the hook next to the door and throwing the door open. I had to fight to keep myself calm so I wouldn't just bolt over to the horse and cause a panic. There was no telling how he'd been handled before being dumped here. His condition was one of the worst I'd even seen, and he didn't even react as I walked up, holding out my hand and talking to him quietly.

"It's alright boy, I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay." He jerked a little as I touched his shoulder, but stood patiently as I clipped my leadrope on and then struggled to undo the rusted clasp on the chain. As I worked he sniffed at my hands for a few seconds before nickering in a way that I could only describe as a greeting for a long lost friend. This horse knew me.

My stomach dropped to the ground as I tried to pretend I didn't know exactly what I was going to find. Suddenly having to fight back tears, I reached up with a shaking hand and traced the triangle shaped snip on his nose, and then reached up to brush his thick forelock out of the way to see the faded star hiding underneath. I knew that once he was cleaned up I'd find two white socks on his hind legs and three little white dots above his front right hoof. I knew that because I knew this horse.

"My god." Keith was finally up and outside. "Where did he come from?"

I choked back a sob and lead the gelding up to Keith, keeping one hand on the leadrope and one hand on his neck, scared that if I let him go he'd disappear. I couldn't tear my eyes off him.

"He must have been dumped here," I managed to say. "I- he was at the barn I used to work at." I turned and looked at his body condition again. Who could have let this happen? What happened to the athletic bay gelding who'd been perfectly healthy just a few months ago? "I never though I'd see him... like this." I looked up at Keith. "This is Bronson."

“Get him into the barn. Deep bedding in the stall, water and one flake of hay. Get pictures of him before you clean him up. I'll call the vet.” Keith was in full action mode almost instantly, pulling his phone out of his pocket and darting back into the house. I looked at Bronson for a moment before leading him to the barn. His steps seemed unbearably slow compared to what I remembered.

“How did this happen, buddy,” I whispered, running my fingers through what was left of his mane. “How the fuck did this happen?”

It didn't take long to get a stall ready. Bronson had eaten the entire flake of hay by the time I'd spread out three whole bags of bedding, and by the time I'd gotten a bunch of pictures of him from all angles he'd laid down for a nap. I sat down next to him, gently taking off the roped halter and then positioning myself so that he could lie flat and rest his head comfortably in my lap. I could feel myself shaking as I ran my hand down his neck, and then scratched his forehead in the particular spot that never failed to help him calm down. It didn't help me any.

We didn't know anything yet, other than the fact that he was starving to death. We had no idea why, or how, or even how he'd gotten in the front yard. All we knew for certain was that without help, he wouldn't survive, and we were the ones to give it to him. Still, I was furious, mostly at Keely for allowing this to happen. Not just to happen, but to continue to use him for lessons. There was a large bald patch across his back from being rubbed by an ill fitting saddle, and there was a recent open sore across his withers, also from a saddle. That wasn't something that happened overnight. Keely must have been using him for weeks at his current weight. That was straight up abuse.

“Vet's on the way, she's seen him before and she's pissed,” Keith said as he walked into the barn. He sighed heavily when he saw Bronson asleep with his head in my lap. Bronson didn't even stir. “What does that note say?”

“On the halter? I haven't read it yet. Here.” I tossed the halter up to him. “You need to really look at him. They've been riding him.”

“Unbelievable.” Keith pulled the note out of the bag and read it silently to himself.

“Is In Your Dreams next to a golf course? Or near one?”

“The main pasture borders it, for a short section.”

“The grounds manager found him loose. Didn't want to take the time to find the owner looking like this, so he brought Bronson to the nearest rescue. Here. Doesn't want to be identified.”

“Explains why he couldn't call, or even knock on the door,” I said. “Although, I think I might have heard someone. That's why I woke up in the first place.”

“The good part with him is that even if there wasn't a note at all we'd still know where he came from, and we know a history.”

I nodded and ran my hand down to the mark on Bronson's withers, for the first time noticing that it was nearly the size of my hand. Once again, I felt sick. “Do we have to give him back? I know that legally we do, but… he'll die there.”

“I'll have to talk to her.” Keith opened the stall door and crouched down next to Bronson, being careful so he wouldn't spook and try to jump up. “Courtney already said Keely won't listen to advice from a vet, and I doubt she'd care even if we said he wasn't fit to trailer. And clearly he's not.” He reached out to a couple cuts across Bronson's hips. “He must have been leaning against the trailer walls on the way here. Lucky he didn't go down.”

“We can try to get her to surrender, or at least let us get him better. Plus there's more than enough evidence for a legal seizure if she won't give him up. And if she agrees that he's not fit to travel it might buy us a week, or more.”

“Very good points. I can call the Department of Agriculture as soon as they open, and send them the pictures you took. And I'll have to drive up there and talk to Keely.”

“I want to go. Document the rest of the horses, because I know damn well that they aren't in proper weight. Plus if we go on a lesson day, like tomorrow morning or Wednesday night, Olivia will be there. She's bound to be worried sick about him once she hears he's missing.” 

“Helen will be here tomorrow to take care of Bronson, we can go then.”

Just then we heard a truck pull up in the yard, and after a moment Dr. Courtney walked into the barn. For the first time I actually saw her look furious.

“I've seen plenty of abuse cases,” She said, entering the stall and starting to pull a couple instruments out of her bag, “but never anything like this. From a woman who once hosted the American Olympic team and had the top barn in the state. Unbelievable.” She shook her head. “How long has he been down?”

“About 20 minutes. I can get him up though, hopefully. Keith, can you get a halter?” Keith nodded and headed for the tack room. I gently pushed Bronson's head out of my lap, urging him to sit up. It took a fair bit of persuading, but I managed to get him back on his feet, although he was a little unsteady. Keith handed me my blue and black halter and leadrope- the same one that I'd bought for Bronson when I first met him. I once again had to fight back tears as I slipped it on.

“Tracy was the one who originally called me about him, four weeks ago,” Courtney said, stepping in to check Bronson's vitals. “He was losing weight fairly rapidly, but nothing was being done, not even a change in diet.”

“Keely only had him on one quart of grain a day, plus hay. It was fine when he was fat.” I'd even tried to up his grain once he was back to a healthy weight and gaining muscle like crazy. Keely had only yelled at me for that and told me to leave it was it was or else he'd get fat again. Nevermind the fact that he only got that way from not being worked and living on several acres of lush grass for years.

“That didn't help his weight initially, but she didn't deworm him either.” Courtney motioned for me to watch what she was doing and ran her hands down Bronson's spine. On the left, she pushed down hard, and Bronson didn't even twitch. On the right, she only had to push lightly to make him flinch and step away from her in pain. “That's the biggest sign, that pain in the right side.”

“He has a worm aneurysm?” Keith asked. 

“Exactly, just like that horse you brought in a few years ago.”

“But that's treatable! In a week or so, and it's gone.”

“I know. I told Keely that, prescribed Panacure powerpacks. I gave her one for half price, and she told me she'd but the rest though her typical vet. Evidently she didn't”  
“What's a worm aneurysm?” I asked. That was a term I'd never heard before, not in that context at least.

“Basically it's scar tissue in the arteries caused by a large amount of intestinal parasites.” She pointed to a point two thirds of the way down Bronson's back. “Clots will build up in the mesenteric areteries- the ones that supply blood to the intestines and digestive system. If caught and treated, it can be cleared fairly quickly with little ill effects. If ignored, you'll see weight loss, stiffness and soreness in the back and hind legs, and in severe cases, fatal colic or liver failure.”

“And Bronson would be considered a severe case now?”

“Less of a severe and more just very advanced, but that's not out of the options. The damage itself might be too much, even when the infestation has been cleared. It's impossible to tell right now.” 

I'd been afraid of that. I'd worked enough rescues over the years to know that sometimes, all the help in the world just wasn't enough. I'd helped rescue horses only to need to put them down two days later. It was never easy, but it was a fact of life. I knew that just as well as anyone. However, I'd never had to rescue a horse that I knew even a little bit, let alone as well as I knew Bronson.

“We'll do all that we can,” Keith said. “Will Panacur packs still work?”

“Yep, same five day treatment.” Courtney pulled a large dewormer tube out of her scrubs pocket and passed it to me. “Give him the whole dose of this, Katie.”

I took the tube and stepped back to Bronson's head, taking a firm hold on his halter so he couldn't pull away if he decided to resist. Just like before, he barely even reacted as I slipped the syringe into the corner of his mouth and pushed the plunger. I held his head up and watched until he swallowed before letting him go, just in case he tried to spit the dewormer out. Bronson shook his head, and then his entire body, making it very clear that he did not like the taste.

“There's a sign of life,” Keith said with a smile. “Just what we want to see.”

“I'm going to set him up on an IV drip for the day. He's dehydrated and we can't risk a colic, not in this condition. It'll also help get him nutrients he won't get from the alfalfa. Once, there's improvement, start adding senior feed.” Courtney paused and laughed a little. “I'm telling the 5 year own of a horse rescue and husband of a veterinarian how to rehab a horse.”

“To be fair, is is early,” Keith said.

“For you, maybe. I'm working nights at the clinic this week. My day is ending in about three hours.” 

“Same for Helen. Luckily she has tomorrow off though. Katie and I have to make a little road trip up to IYD.”

“I'll send her bill with you. Not that I actually expect her to pay either one of them, mind you. I don't care if she didn't actually make either call. It's her horse, she knows the diagnosis, and she deliberately lied to me. I'll send her bills until I run out of paper.”

“I'll cover everything here, not a problem.”

“Oh, I know you will Keith, and I'm not going to charge you for the visit itself, just the bloodwork and the medications. I'm still sending her a bill for everything though. And I'm only saying this because I work with your wife and because Katie's going to be a vet someday. I honestly can't stand this woman. Fall on hard times and cant afford a vet? Fine, it happens, just do what you can or ask for help. Too proud to ask for help? Get over it, it's not about you. To proud to even accept help that's freely offered? Get over yourself and just take it. But this… she's telling people he's fine, telling me that he's fine, and still using him for lessons. She cant even pull the fucking ignorance card. It's disgusting. She owns a goddamn riding stable. She knows better. Hell, even the woman who owned Jasper tried to do more than this.” She paused, and then slowly ran her hand across Bronson's ribs, focusing on where the saddle pad had rubbed him bald. “She's completely responsible here.”

“I'll do whatever I can when I talk to her tomorrow. I just know that I'll be damned if she wants to get the horse back.”

“Tell her it's policy to not return a horse to the owner until it's bills are paid in full and until they're fit to travel. Then even if she does pay it'll still be two weeks until she could have him back.”

“So you're saying he's not fit to travel?”

“Absolutely not, he's hurt enough from the ride over. I can give you that in writing if you want, make it official.”

Keith nodded absentmindedly. “That might help. I only know this woman through what Katie's told me, but I don't like what I'm hearing.”

“She's manipulative, a liar, and she doesn't give a damn about anything but making herself look good,” I said, “and she's not even doing that anymore.”

~.~

Once Courtney had drawn blood and set up an IV drip for the day, she went with Keith to discuss further treatment and what could legally be done. I stayed with Bronson, taking the time to groom him until he was spotless and comb all of the tangles from his mane and tail. It was shocking to realize that he wasn't even that dirty. His coat was so dull that he looked like he was covered in a layer of dirt at all times. Compared to the pictures that Olivia had sent five weeks ago, he didn't even look like the same horse.

“I'm so sorry, Bronson,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his mane. “I should have stayed. I should have done more.” 

Bronson turned his head as if to hug me back, nosing gently at my pocket. It was a trick that Olivia had taught him. I turned back around to see Bronson staring me me, almost begging for a treat. I'd never seen a horse look so kind and so gentle before in my life. 

That's when it really hit me. Not just how bad his condition was, but the undeniable fact that I could lose him at any moment now. That I may never see him shiny and muscled up and healthy ever again, or see Olivia ride him. I might never get another chance to sit on his back, to feel the perfection of his canter, and the way he seemed to float with every stride. I could hope and pray all I wanted, but the reality was that all the help in the would would be worthless if it was already too late. We wouldn't know that until that happened.

I sank to the ground, not caring how close I was to Bronson's front legs. I couldn't find the strength to move away. The tears that I'd been fighting all morning started to fall, and I was completely powerless to stop them. It was an endless cycle of loving and losing. No matter how hard I tried to avoid getting attached to a horse, or how long I went between finding one I really connected with- without fail I would lose them. First Duchess, then Sadie and Sweetie, and most recently Henry. I'd gone years without even allowing myself to connect with another horse. Then I met Bronson, and he was everything I'd ever wanted to find in a horse.

It was like this was all my fault.

~.~

My heart leaped into my throat as we came around the corner and into view of In Your Dreams. It had always been my favorite place to look at the farm from. How the covered arena and tops of the twin barns just seemed to rise up from the road, and then how you could see the majority of the property from the top of the hill. Occasionally during the three months I'd been there I'd taken the long way home just to have see everything from that angle. However, today it only brought heartbreak. It was just a false beauty, an image to cover up what was really going on.

“Do you want to talk to Keely at all?” Keith asked as we pulled up in the driveway. I shook my head.

“Not if I don't have to. She'll probably be in the barn office, the wooden building between the barns. If not there, probably in the house, but she'll be out by the time the first lesson starts at ten.” I looked at the vehicles in the parking lot. It was almost strange, not seeing my car at the end of the row. “Her truck is here, so she's got to be here too.”

“I'll find her. You just get the pictures you need and talk to the girls.”

Everyone was crowded around Bronson's stall when I walked through the gate separating the parking lot and the barn. Olivia was the first to notice me, running over and hugging me as hard as she could.

“Katie I'm so, so sorry. Bronson's gone!”

“I know.” It was a huge weight off my shoulders to finally be able to tell her. “He's safe, someone found him and brought him to the rescue I'm working at.”

She pulled back and exchanged a glance with Lauren and Ashley. “You have him?”

“I do.”

“So you've seen how bad he looks?”

“I have. And we're going to help get him better. But right now I need your help. I need to get pictures of the rest of the horses. Twitter, Corey, Stitch, everyone who's thin like that.”

“You're going to try and get the barn shut down, aren't you,” Lauren said. I didn't exactly want to answer that truthfully. They'd all been riding here for years. The barn was the reason they'd become friends in the first place. They loved the horses and the place itself more than anything. Losing that would be hard, even in a situation like this where horses were sick and dying because of Keely's neglect. I knew it'd be hard.

“Right now, we're just trying to save Bronson. Pictures of the other horses will help with that a lot.”

“Everyone's in, it's Saturday. I don't think anyone's tacked up yet.”

It was almost too convenient. On every stall was a name plate and a chart showing the amount of grain each horse got per day. When I'd left those charts had been blank, and the feeding information had been printed in the lid of the grain bin. I was able to get pictures of each horse's body condition along with the feed all in the same shot. They were all worse that I remembered. Even the horses who'd been in okay weight had lost considerable muscle, and the ones that were already thin had gotten worse. I spent a long time in Twitter's stall in particular, as he was the worst one on the property now that Bronson was at Circle R.

“Keely says he just needs topline work,” Lauren said. I shook my head.

“Topline refers to just that- the line on the top of his back.” I ran my fingers down Twitter's spine. “And yes, his is non existent. But to build a topline, you need the rest of the body as well. Look at his hips, and his shoulders. There's no muscle mass, and you can pick out the outline of the bones. There's no muscle or fat along the top of his ribs, giving this shelf,” I rested my hand on the flat area between his ribcage and spine for a moment before moving down to the ribs themselves, briefly touching each one I could see. “Horses had 18 pairs of ribs. I can see 12 of his. I shouldn't be able to see any of them.”

“I never even realized that he was that bad.”

“Honestly, I didn't expect you to. It's… hard, when you start as a beginner and are constantly told that something that's actually wrong is right. I've been there before. But believe me, this is not normal. It's not right by any sense of the word.”

“What can we do?”

“A lot, actually. I'm only here taking pictures today because Keith has to talk to Keely about keeping Bronson, but updates weekly or so until this is sorted out would be helpful, especially if you notice anything getting worse. Don't be afraid to call me if something happens that you're not sure about. And… it might be time to start looking for other places to ride.”

“We've already started,” Ashley said, pointing at Olivia. “We've been taking lessons with Tracy on days where we don't ride here.”

“I didn't want to leave until Bronson got better,” Olivia said. “Now that he's gone, I guess I don't have to stay anymore.”

“He's not that far, really. You can come visit him whenever you want.”

~.~

I made the rounds of the farm, trying to stay out of view of the office window. It was doubtful that Keely would do anything just because I was there, but I still didn't want to deal with her. There was too much that I wanted to say that just wouldn't help the situation. Olivia ended up peeking in the window for me to see what was going on.

“She's screaming at him. And he looks like he's about to tear her head off.”

Poor Keith. “He's probably considering it. Keith will do just about anything to get a horse, and in a situation like this, well. Nothing will stop him.”

“Good. Hey Stitch!” Olivia stopped in front of a stall with a gray and white paint horse inside. He poked his head over the door to search us for treats. Stitch had been my third favorite horse at the barn while I'd been there. He'd also been the second thinnest.

“I've missed him.”

“They all missed you, Katie.”

“I know. I wish I wouldn't have had to leave.”

“Yeah, but I understand why you did.”

“Olivia! Aren't you going to tack up Peyton?” Ashley asked, leading Peyton behind her. Olivia pulled out her phone to check the time. 

“Oh! Yeah, but odds are the lesson will be late, since Keely is busy.”

“You can still be ready though.”

“Go on, get ready for your lesson. I know my own way around the barn.”

~.~

It was so strange to walk through the aisle of the barn that had once been rented out by a couple that trained grand prix level horses. They'd left not long after I had, and for similar reasons. I didn't blame them for one second, but it was still strange seeing all of their stalls standing empty. The whole barn just felt different. Not just wrong but unwelcoming as well, like no one belonged there anymore. It was just so different.

“Bronson's going to be okay, right?” Olivia asked, finding me in front of a stall that had once belonged to a $250,000 warmblood. One that I'd helped watch through the night after she colicked, and then got yelled at by Keely for because I was slightly late the next morning. I sighed heavily.

“We're going to do our best. He's a fighter, and he's got a lot of people fighting alongside him.”

“But you don't know for sure.”

“Nothing is ever for sure.”

“I should have done something. I should have known that something was wrong, called you. I've been working with him for weeks now. This… this is all my fault.” 

I turned to face Olivia and reached out to put my hands on her shoulders, hoping to make myself as clear as possible. “This is not your fault, in any way. You don't own Bronson, Keely does. You don't work for Keely, Paige did. Jennifer does. They should have told Keely that something was wrong, and they didn't. Keely should have seen him herself, called the vet, and she didn't. She had every opportunity to help Bronson herself, and she didn't. None of that is your fault.”

“I know that, but….”

“But nothing. You're not responsible for him in any way. Keely is.”

Olivia sighed and turned away from me without saying anything, and I followed a few steps behind. She walked to the end of the barn and then around the corner, stopping outside of Bronson's stall window. I half expected him to poke his head out to say hello, even though I knew he was home safe at Circle R. If Keith and I had our way he'd never have to come back.

“Can I come see him tomorrow?” She asked, folding her arms across the windowsill. “Or as soon as possible?”

“Tomorrow would be perfect. You must be Olivia.” I looked up to see Keith standing beside me. He looked furious, but smiled when Olivia glanced in his direction. “Katie's told me a lot about you. Bronson is a lucky horse, to have you to care about him.”

“I guess.” She shrugged and looked down at the ground for a moment, taking a couple deep breaths. When she looked up again, she seemed calmer than she'd been all day. “But I'll be there tomorrow.”

“Great!” Keith reached out to shake her hand. “I'll be sure to tell Bronson you're coming.” He then nodded in he direction of his truck. “Katie, we should head home now. It's not fair to leave Helen alone this long on her day off.” He accompanied that with a look that said if we didn't leave immediately there'd be trouble, which I understood completely.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” I said to Olivia, giving her another quick hug. “Tell Ashley and Lauren that they're welcome to come see him too, if they want.”

“I will.”

~.~

From the truck I was able to see Olivia lead Peyton out of the barn and get on in the covered arena. Once in the saddle she smiled and waved at me, holding it until I was out of sight.

Keith was quiet until the farm was out of sight, and even then until he found a spot where it was safe to pull the truck over. For a moment he did nothing, and then he suddenly slammed his palm against the steering wheel in an uncharacteristic fit of fury.

“I have never seen anything like this. She wanted to call the cops on me for stealing her horse.”

“She- did she?”

“No, although she might have after. I guess we'll know if I get pulled over before we hit the county line.”

I couldn't even imagine what Keely could have said to get Keith this angry, and I'd seen first hand just how unreasonable she could be. It was shocking- Keith was always so calm, no matter the situation.

“She wants him returned as soon as possible. Says he's in great condition, or at least he was when she last saw him, which was Wednesday and she didn't even report him missing. Refuses to pay for his treatment, and said she was going to fight to get him back.” Keith gave a bitter laugh. “Over my dead body. The rest of the horses that she had in look awful. The chestnut on the end is just as bad as Samantha was the day we rescued her.”

“He was in for a lesson.”

“I know. I got pictures of the lesson board and of him, to add to what you took. But the worst part. The worst fucking part-” I'd never heard Keith swear before, and was taken aback for a second, “-was that when she realized you were here with me, she told me that I shouldn't trust you. And that I was only here because you were using me to get back at her for firing you.”

“That's- I quit, and she knows that.”

“She can attack me all she wants- hell, take me to court, it'd just be a waste of her money. But to try and slander you… over the fact that you told her to take better care of her horses… it's insane! I've never...” He broke off and hit the steering wheel again, then passed a hand over his face and looked out he window. “I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen a lesson barn with so many horses like that being passed off as fine. Never.” He looked over at me with tears in his eyes. “Can you drive? I have to make a call.”

“Of course.”

~.~

“Where's Bronson?”

“In the barn, waiting to see you.” I said, motioning for Olivia to follow me. I heard a heartbreakingly familiar nicker as I opened the barn door, but didn't see Bronson. Despite the fact that I'd just been with him and I knew he was fine, just lying down, I still felt my heart jump into my throat. Olivia cautiously walked over to his stall and looked over the door.

“Hey boy,” She whispered. Bronson looked up at us and nickered again, but showed no intention of standing up.

“You can go in there with him. Sit with him.”

Liv looked back as if expecting Keely to show up and say it was too dangerous to sit in a stall with a horse that was lying down. But her need to be with Bronson won over in the end. She opened the stall door and first crouched by Bronson's head, rubbing her hands down his neck. When Bronson shifted positions to get more comfortable, she sat down entirely and let his head rest on her lap, just as I had the other day.

“He looks better already,” She said, gently combing her finger's through Bronson's forelock. “More… alive. If that makes sense.”

“It does make sense. You can see it in his eyes. He knows that things are going to get better.”

Olivia leaned down to kiss Bronson on the nose, whispering something that I couldn't quite make out. I felt like I was intruding on something very personal and private.

“I'm going to out out by Keith. If you need anything, just call, okay?”

“Yeah.”

~.~

“Hey Katie, could I give him a bath? He's filthy and really needs one.”

“Sure, there's a wash stall right here.” I pointed to the concrete slab to the side of the barn. “Put him on the cross ties in there, and I'll grab some shampoo. Just don't let him eat any grass.”

“I won't.”

I grabbed the bottle of horse shampoo and one treat from the tack room. One wouldn't hurt him, and it would make Olivia feel better about not being able to take him out and hand graze him. She understood why, but when you're getting the pathetic begging eyes from a starving horse, it's almost always a struggle to not just stuff them full of food.

“Here,” I said, handing her the treat. “He can have that. The red hose is hot water.”

“I'll get one side, you get the other?”

“Fair enough.”

Bronson definitely enjoyed it. His head sank lower and lower on the cross ties until he was completely asleep, and he stayed that way until he was completely scrubbed and clean and we were dying him off. While he was sleeping Olivia asked about the other horses on the farm, mostly Samantha and Charlotte, who were grazing in the pen next to us.

“How long have they been here?”

“About four weeks. Charlotte's the baby, and she's only three months old.”

As if she knew we were watching, Charlotte suddenly took off bucking around the pasture, trying to get her mother to join in.

“She's adorable.”

“We sure think so.”

“How did you end up with them? Did someone abandon them here? Like Bronson?”

“No, actually. Keith and I picked them up. Someone saw them and gave us a call.”

“That's horrible. I mean, she's just a baby.”

“There's a chance that they might have just abandoned Sam and not known that she was even pregnant.”

“Or maybe because she was pregnant.”

I nodded. “That happens too, sometimes.”

“Is this the kind of stuff you did before you came and worked for Keely? Rescue and stuff?”

“For a few years. It's why I'm so much better on the ground than I am in the saddle. There isn't much opportunities for riding when you're rescuing horses in conditions like this. The finished result is more than worth it, however.”

“I can imagine.” She looked around at the horses she could see where we were- at the moment, just the baby and then Chip and Chester on the other side. “What's their story?”

“Similar to Bronson when Keely got him. Too long sitting in a field and doing nothing. Nothing but eating, that is.”

“So they're here to go on a diet.”

“Pretty much. If you want to ride while you're here, we can ride them. Have to ride bareback though, Keith doesn't have a big enough saddle to fit them.”

Olivia's eyes widened. “How do you stay on? They're so wide!”

I couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face. She almost looked scared. “You get the hang of it pretty quick. Chip is a little bit narrower too.”

“I think I'll take your word for it, actually. I'm used to much smaller horses.”

That struck a nerve. Of course she'd find Chip and Chester almost impossibly wide- she'd never been on a horse in proper weight, let alone a fat one. Even Bronson had been smaller, back when he was still considered overweight.

Olivia looked back at Bronson, almost as if following the same line of thought as I was. She reached out to run her finger's along his ribs. “I can't wait to see him looking like he used to.”

“He'll be back before you know it.” 

I said that with confidence, but the more I thought about it, the more scared I was that I'd end up being wrong. 

~.~

“You'll call me if anything changes, right?” Olivia said, leaning out the car window.

“Absolutely,” Keith said. “No news is good news though.”

“Thank you for having us, Keith,” Olivia's mom called. “Hope she wasn't in the way.”

“Absolutely not! Drop her off anytime, I could use three of her.”

“Oh, I'll definitely be back. I need to see Charlotte grow up.”

~.~

That afternoon when I went out to give Bronson his lunch and his fourth dose of Panacur, I saw that he hadn't touched his hay from the night before. He was agitated and pacing, sweating despite the fact that it was very cool in the barn. He didn't seem to notice me, too preoccupied with his own pain.

“No, no no no! Bronson no!” My heart dropped to the floor as I realized what this meant. I grabbed the halter hanging on his stall door and hurried to put it on, struggling to keep him still long enough to do up the buckle. Once I had control of him he calmed down slightly, but it wasn't enough. After standing still for a few seconds his knees buckled and he tried to lie down. I held pressure on his head to keep him standing and then urged him out of the stall and into the barn aisle. It was all I could do just to keep him moving.

“Keith!” I yelled, leading Bronson out into the yard and into the grass. Keith was out by Samantha and Charlotte, but when he saw Bronson his face went pure white and he immediately climbed over the round pen fence. He had his phone out and was dialing before he even hit the ground.

“I have an emergency, my rescue gelding is colicking.” Keith ran his hands across Bronson's back, looking for any signs that he'd rolled and possibly injured himself. His coat was still spotless after Olivia had given him a bath yesterday.

“He's in a lot of pain, but still standing as of right now. I'll keep him up if we can. Olsen Rescue. Thank you.” 

Keith hung up and stepped forward to look into Bronson's eyes, looking to see if he still had the will to fight. All I could see was was pain.

“Courtney will be here soon,” Keith said. “We'll do everything we can to help him.”

I nodded, walking Bronson forward another couple steps when he tried to go down again. I knew Keith would fight as long as there was something that could be done, but Bronson would have to fight too. He'd already made it this far. 

“He's not even signed over to us yet,” I whispered, watching helplessly as Bronson kicked a hind leg at his stomach, trying desperately to stop the pain. 

“Another vet bill for Keely,” Keith said with a grim face. “Bring him closer to the house, in the shade.”

I knew that I needed to be positive. Courtney was one of the best veterinarians in the state. If anything could be done, she'd do it. But I couldn't help but think of the other colics I'd seen and heard about. Major ones that required surgery, like the warmblood that had been at IYD. She'd recovered, but not without constant complications, and mild colic every few weeks, colic that would have been deadly had they been any more serious. How a month before I'd arrived at IYD, Stitch had colicked and had been lucky to survive, although he'd ended up covered in sores from rolling until the pain had passed. That same week, a different horse at the farm had died for the same reason. Cash died from colic. I'd never heard about so many different horses dying from colic until I'd worked for Keely. 

I'd never seen a horse be in as much pain as Bronson and survive.

Twenty minutes passed with no improvement. In fact, he got worse. It took all my strength to keep Bronson on his feet. We couldn't let him lie down on the chance that he wasn't strong enough to get up again. As long as he was standing, there was hope. 

From where Keith and I were standing, we could see Courtney pull into the driveway. She was out of the truck the second it was parked, running over with her medical bag and assorted tubing.

“How long has he been like this?” She asked, immediately pulling out a syringe that was already loaded with a sedative.

“No longer than two hours. He was fine the last time I saw him.” I said. “There's no way I could have missed this. Not in him.”

“I'm sedating him so I can examine him safely.” She injected the sedative into a vein in his neck, holding the end in her mouth for a second to remove the needle safely. “It'll take a moment to take affect. Don't let him go down until I'm done and out. Keith, come hold his tail out of the way for me.”

She stuck the syringe back in her bag, and pulled out a pair of gloves that went up to her shoulders. By the time Bronson had calmed down, his head low and heavy on he rope in my hands, Courtney was ready. 

I knew exactly what she was looking for. Some sort of abnormality with Bronson's digestive system, one that would prove whether or not he'd be okay. Maybe a blockage that could be cleared. Maybe a twist in his intestines that would require surgery. Maybe-

I could see the exact moment where she found what she'd been looking for, and it was exactly what we didn't want. Her face fell and she repositioned her arm. “His colon is displaced. It's a mess in there, and I can't fix that without operating.”

No.

“Could he survive long enough to get to the clinic?”

No.

“It's doubtful. And even if he could, he's not in any condition to survive the surgery. Not like this. It'd take a miracle.”

No.

I had to be dreaming. That was the only explanation. The past four days had been a dream. Working for Keely had been a dream. None of this could possibly be happening. I hasn't holding Bronson upright. Courtney wasn't wearing gloves that went all the way up to her shoulders. None of it was real.

I had to let him go.

“Put him down.” I said, barely even recognizing it as my own voice. “It's too late. We got him too late. He's fought enough.”

Keith nodded, staring down at the ground. “She's right.”

“Okay. I'm clear. You can let him lie down, if he will.” Courtney stepped back, peeling off her gloves and tossing them aside. I gave Bronson a little slack on his head and he slowly and ungracefully tipped to the side, landing with a heavy thud in the grass. I laid him down flat on his side, and Keith crouched down to pull his legs into a more natural position. In the back of my mind I realized we were in the exact same place where we'd sedated Jasper for his surgery, just four weeks ago.

I sat down by Bronson's head. I couldn't bring myself to hold his head in my lap as I had the day he'd arrived. I didn't want to feel the weight of it. Instead I just pressed one hand down on top of his mane and traced his facial markings with the other. The pain no longer showed on his face as his breathing gradually slowed until he was nearly asleep. However all of his attention was still on me. His eyes were open, an ear was turned in my direction. He was aware of my every movement.

“It's okay,” I whispered, leaning down to press my forehead against his. “It'll be okay. We're going to make it better.”

Courtney was beside me with the pink syringe that I knew all too well. She patted Bronson's neck softly before slipping the needle under the skin. After a few moments, his breathing slowed, and then stopped entirely.

He was gone.

I sat back and gently passed a hand over his eye, closing it so that he just looked like he was sleeping. Like nothing was wrong in the world.  
Everything was wrong.

“Katie,” I looked up to see Keith holding out a pair of scissors and a couple rubber bands. “For his tail.”

It felt totally wrong to cut any part of his tail, but to cut it straight across where the bone ended felt even worse. I also cut a section of his mane out. I banded the sections up separately and then set them aside, sitting myself at Bronson's head again. I stared at his marking until my eyes blurred with tears and I couldn't see anything at all anymore.

I didn't want to.

Just like that, it was over.

We lost.

~.~

I must have sat there for nearly a half hour, just coming my fingers through his forelock and crying. Tears of grief, of anger, pain, it was all there. I cried until I just physically couldn't anymore. Until Keith was pulling me to my feet and into the house. Courtney had already left, and I knew that the next truck to pull in the driveway wouldn't be one that I wanted to see. Keith led me to the couch and then sat down next to me, hugging me hard. Berren, knowing all the well that something was wrong, got up from his bed by the window and tried to crawl in between us and sit in my lap. I did my best to hug him too.

“I'm so sorry Katie.” Keith whispered. He sounded just as upset as I felt. “I'm so, so sorry.”

All of the apologies in the world wouldn't bring Bronson back.

“We didn't even have time to get him signed over to us. Keely still owns him.”

“I know.”

I'd far passed the point of being upset. Now I was just thinking. About myself, about what I'd decided to dedicate my life to for as long as I could remember. I was well aware that as a vet, I'd have to make these kinds of decisions, and very frequently. That was just a fact of the business, a fact of life. 

“I shouldn't even be this upset about it. This is what I want to do. I want to be a vet, and I know that I'm going to have to do this. I've helped out at rescues before and even- but this… this is different. Maybe I'm not-”

“Not what? Good enough to be a vet?” Keith pulled back to look me in the eye. “You're more than good enough. Helen knew that as soon as she saw you with Jasper. You have compassion, you care.”

“I care too much.”

“No, you don't.” He sighed, standing up to grab a picture of one of the book shelves. It was one I'd seen before, of a much younger Keith hugging an emaciated and elderly chestnut horse. “That's Wildfire. She was my first horse, had her from five years old up until I went off to college. I sold her to a little girl who lived down the road from me. I was told they'd have her until the end, but sometimes forever isn't as long as you'd hope. A friend saw her like that at a feedlot auction, and I had to buy her back. That was around the time I met Helen; she helped me have Wildfire brought to the tech for treatment. I did everything I could, but it wasn't enough.” He pointed at the picture. “That's the last picture anyone took of us together. I had to put her down the next morning.”

“I'm sorry, Keith.”

“Don't be- that's not the point. Wildfire was my horse. I did everything I could for her, but I still lost her. And I cried for a week straight. I didn't even go near another horse for a month after that. But in the end it was Helen who convinced me that getting that upset was a good thing. And not long after that, I rescued another horse. Successfully.”

He was right, as he always was, and I knew that just as well as anyone.

“It's different when it's your own animals. Always. But you're able to make that call, and that's the hardest part. Some people can't.”

“I've done it twice before.”

Keith set the picture on the coffee table and then hugged me again. “I'm so sorry Katie.”

~.~

Several hours later Keith got a phone call. I did my best to not eavesdrop, but I was able to hear him say that it was the police department. Around the same time, I got a call from Olivia.

“Katie? What did you and Keith do? The police are here talking to Keely, and Jennifer just told all of us to put our horses away and go home. Is she getting arrested?”

“She's what?” I looked up to see Keith giving me a thumbs up from across the living room. He turned the phone away from his mouth for a second to talk.

“The judge decided on a ruling. They're going to have a further investigation into IYD and Keely will be required to pay all of Bronson's vet bills.”

“The police are there now.” 

I turned my attention back to Olivia. “What's going on now?”

“I don't know. They went into the house, and I'm hiding in the barn with Lauren and Ashley waiting for my mom to pick us up.”

I couldn't tell her about Bronson and the investigation when it had first started, but now there was no reason not to. It had been officially decided. It was over. There was no reason not to tell them. After all, Keely clearly knew.

“Olivia, the police are there because Keely is now required to pay all of Bronson's vet bills, and they're going to investigate the rest of the horses.”

“Will we get in trouble?”

“No, it's not going to concern you. But… Olivia, Bronson colicked this morning. We did everything we could, but… I'm so sorry. We couldn't save him.”

“What do you mean? He's… no. No he can't be! He's- no!” I could hear her say something to Lauren and Ashley, although I couldn't make out the words. “Katie, you said you were going to save him! You promised! You said he was getting better! How can he be… dead?”

“Sometimes these things happen. He was sick when we got him and long before that. We did all we could, Liv, but all the love in the world cant save a horse that too far gone.”

“That bullshit! There must have been something! Something… he can't be.”

I looked helplessly up at Keith, who was still on the phone. He wouldn't be able to help me even if I wanted him to.

“I'm sorry, Olivia. It was just too late. But know that he had the best day of his life yesterday, he was happy. He was loved. That's what's important. He was loved right up until the end, and he knew that. He loved me, he loved you, and he knew we were trying to help. That's what matters. He had the best possible care we could give him. That's what matters.”

“I'm sorry too.” Olivia said. Seconds later the phone went silent against my ear. She'd hung up.

I couldn't stop my tears no matter how hard I tried. It wasn't fair, not to Olivia. I was there, I understood why. But to her, and the other girls, this was possibly their first experience of a horse they knew dying due to neglect, and definitely the first one because of someone they not just knew, but looked up to and trusted. They weren't just losing Bronson. They were losing Keely too. And as awful as she was, that had to hurt. It hut me.

I didn't call her back. She needed time to process what had just happened. I needed time.


End file.
